The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

In a most unexpected turn of events turkeys have gone on strike. Using some kind of communication that humans are unable to detect turkeys have been somehow communicating. At midnight on December 17th farms from around the world were in chaos! Turkey's attacking their handlers, protest signs on display and many turkey's appear to be fasting so they don't get plump and juicy. It is assumed that because this weekend many turkeys will be losing their life do to the Christmas Holiday next week that the timing of this for the turkeys is perfect.

Farmer Ted Blund was dumbfounded. "They picked the exact day that this would hurt us most. We pride ourselves on well fed turkeys killed gently and quickly. If we can't resolve this soon we may have to get the shotgun. That's pretty messy but right now many of the turkeys violent."

It seems that the turkeys, although aware of their timely deaths are wanting a more full life: Better food, more free time, and the Toms (male turkey) want private time with the hens.

There also is a question of when and where the beheading's take place. For decades it was thought that the killings be done publicly to make the turkey's aware of who the masters are. This may also be a factor in the strike and the farmers will need to bring this to a resolution quickly. If they don't their reputations of delivering quality meat may be at jeopardy. Surly they will have a lot of unhappy customers.

"I am most impressed with their signs then anything else. I thought turkeys were stupid but I haven't found a misspelling yet." said Blund. "And where did they get the materials for the signs? I don't have anything like that on the farm. There was a dent in my pickup truck that I have never seen before, and come to think of it there were a few feathers in the drivers seat...."

However the turkeys managed to put everything together it is clear they are smarter then anyone ever realized. "Whatever happens there is one thing for sure" said Bund "These turkeys may be smarter then we originally thought but they will always be tasty! See that little bast#%d over there? I'm gonna shoot him and then I'm gonna eat him!"