The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

Question: How can you take the record holder for all Gold Medals in a single Olympics as well as all time off of the front page of every newspaper across the world after a photo of him taking a bong-hit has been leaked? Have A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees) admit to taking PED's (Performance Enhancing Drugs) after his name was leaked from a test that was taken in 2003 that was supposed to be anonymous. What are the odds of that happening, and happening at the most ideal time for Phelps? A billion to one!

Phelps reportedly is going to give one of his Gold Medals to Rodriguez as thanks. Never in his (Phelps) wildest thoughts could he have come up with this. Phelps told friends he had been sitting at home trying to figure out ways to get himself and that picture off of the front pages and covers of newspapers and magazines. When nothing came to mind Phelps began praying for a natural disaster or a high profile murder or celebrity drug bust, anything! It would take something catastrophic for his story to disappear.

Phelps was brought into an emergency room just after the news of A-Rod first hit as Phelps cracked his head on his ceiling after jumping for joy and disbelief. Although it wasn't that head-wound that brought him to the hospital. Phelps fell off his couch and hit his head again when A-Rod did his interview with Peter Gammon's and admitted his PED use.

While in the hospital Phelps watched when the President of the United States was asked about A-Rod and steroids during his first Prime Time speech as President. He instantly went into cardiac arrest but recovered almost instantly, probably realizing that the heat on him has all but passed.

Let's just hope for Phelps that if he ever took PED's he never gets caught.

The New York Yankees have made yet another offer to a high-profile individual to assist in the ever growing cast of characters they are buying this off-season. Although this time the contract isn't being extended to a ball player but to a musician.

Madonna is reported to be in conversations with the Yankees front office negotiating a contract that will keep her with the Yankee slugger, Alex Rodriguez. Rodriguez and Madonna have recently opened up about their relationship and ever since Rodriguez's off season training has been over the top. "He's smiling, his skills as a third baseman are elevating and he is hitting the ball better then ever" one coach said.

Those who follow the Yankees, especially Rodriguez, understand how fragile his personality is. One Yankee player told us, "Alex puts a lot of pressure on himself, and when he isn't performing well it's hard for him to resurface. When he's happy he is at his best".

Ever since he began dating Madonna his attitude is better then ever and the Yankees have taken notice.

The Yankees have a lot of money invested in Rodriguez and they are obviosly willing to spend a little more to insure the deal. Although most people feel the relationship between Madonna and Rodriguez is "yucky" it can't be overlooked on how well he is playing.

Part of the $12 million does have performance bonuses built in. "Madonna is no amateur negotiator. She knows what she wants and how to get it."

It is being reported that there are added bonuses for Rodriguez batting over 300 for the year, having over 40 home runs, over 40 stolen bases and post season play. Totals that could bring the singer another $10 Million.

One inside source said that Madonna knows Rodriguez so well that she can figure out what works best to keep him happy and playing well. "Madonna told us that she knows just what to say or "do" to Alex to maintain his level of happiness. A happy Alex is a performing Alex and that's exactly what the Yankees want from this contract."

There has been no confirmation from the Yankees as of now, but inside sources tell us an announcement could come as soon as January 2nd.