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Showing posts with label eat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eat. Show all posts

Man's Pants Don't Fit - His Ass Is Too Big


We all love snacks, sweets and the feeling of a full belly can be wonderful. This time of year we indulge in many tasty treats as the Holiday Season is among us. Many of us are also entering the coldest time of the year when our activity levels decrease because we are often staying indoors. Although many find this time of year wonderful for the before-mentioned reasons, many will also pack on a few pounds as a result and most with discomfort and guilt. This is especially true for one man named Phillip H. Ead's.

Ead's was dressing for his annual company Holiday Party. Every year he wears the same suit with the red shirt and musical Christmas tie. He loves this suit as he had it custom made several years prior. This year there was a problem, and it just so happens to be a problem that many of us have faced. A tight top button.

His first though was to the dry cleaner. They shrunk his suit; those bastards! This anger quickly passed as he realized he never sent the suit to the cleaners after last years Holiday Party and he never had time to get it cleaned this year.

Second thought: The closet must have some kind of moisture leak...maybe from a bathroom vent. This caused the suit to get damp and dry out several times. This would surely lead to suit shrinkage. He quickly retrieved a pair of pants from the same closet and surly enough those pants were tight as well.

He decided the only option he had was to purchase a new pair of pants so he hopped in the car and headed into town. He found his favorite suit store, gave the clerk his measurements and tried on a pair or pants. Then he tried on another pair, and another. They were all tight. He accused the clerk of giving him the wrong sizes...she didn't. And it wasn't his waist that was the problem; it turned out that after 35 years of a nice girlish figure over the last year Ead's seems to have grown himself an ass. Much to his dismay he had gained about 10 pounds as well.

This being the time of year for indulgence, Ead's has decided to go on a diet for his New Year's Resolution.




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Controversial Restaurant serves "Cute, furry" animals



Meet Fluffy:
Fluffy was born on September 14th, 2008 and was the softest and whitest of the litter. She hops, plays and is wonderfully furry and plump. She has been on a strict diet of lettuce, carrots and whole milk. Her pink eyes will melt your heart. Fluffy will go nicely with our stuffing which features toasted pecans and chunks of apple in a soft, moist bread base. Fluffy can be served medium well to well done.

This is just one example of the menu at "Cuteness" a recently opened restaurant in the Los Angeles area that has caused a little controversy. Each menu consists of a photo and a bio of each animal and reservations have to be made at the minimum of a month in advance. The entrees vary from small cute bunnies, hamsters & ducklings to the larger family meals that consist of fawns & calves.

Menu's have to be requested and are received in a gold envelope with a personalized touch. Once the meal has been selected the future diners must put down a $500 deposit and return their selections. Two weeks prior to the reservation the diners are required to travel 40 miles outside of the city to a farm. This farm is where all of the animals reside and the diners are required to spend the day with their future meal. Caring for, feeding, walking and bathing are a few of the activities that are scheduled for the day. Once the day has been completed the future diners decide whether to keep the reservation or take the animal home. A contract is signed prior to the farm visit that states a decision to either not keep the reservation or not taking the animal home will result in a $10,000 fine. This allows the restaurant owners to protect themselves against those who may try and undermine their process and keep the animal activists at bay.
"There is nothing wrong with what we are doing. There are many restaurants that do much worse. We care for the animals and treat them with respect" says the owner Paulie Butcher. "Our guests get a unique experience. Many find it wonderful that they can bond with and even thank the animal before they dine. It can be very emotional".
Although many groups have been protesting it hasn't stopped Cuteness from operating successfully and they are currently booked through June of 2009. Entree prices range from $450-$9,200 and is given three-and-a-half out of four stars.


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Unless quoted or noted all entries are fictional. No harm or disrespect is meant just good old fashion fun! Enjoy!

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