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Showing posts with label primates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label primates. Show all posts

Michael Jackson's Health Fine- He's Just Becoming a Monkey


It shouldn't surprise anyone that Michael Jackson likes monkeys. Over the years it has been reported that he has owned and possibly still owns his own monkey. Bubbles was the most popular monkey that had been photographed with Jackson (see photo). What may surprise most is the main reason behind Jackson's facial changes and why he often keeps his face covered with a scarf. There is only one answer: It has been discovered that he is transforming himself into a primate.

Recent headlines from several magazines and tabloids have written Jackson is ill and may be fighting a life threatening disease. His spokesman came forward and said the rumors are not true and his health is fine. It is now being reported that the reason behind his recent hospital stays are for the final operations to transform him completely into a primate. "Michael wants to run free in the wild as a monkey. It's been his life quest for the last 20 years and he has spent millions in research and surgeries to get this far" says and inside source. "Once the final operation has been completed he will be flown to a discrete location where he will begin hius new life as one with primates. His human existance has been extremely painful as inside Michael is a Monkey. Once the process is complete, with the exception of his human brain, Michael will be a monkey."

Over the years researches have gradually given Jackson medications and surgeries so the primates will recognize him as one of their own. This has been the most diffucuklt task. Jackson also will have his own primate "smell" as over the years his body has been transformed to give off the primate odor; specifically an odor of dominance. This will allow him to fit in to which ever herd he desires. He may have to fight for leadership but he has been trained by the best.

This photo was recently discovered and was determined to be taken about 3 months ago. This clearly shows the near completion of Jackson's transformation. No one has seen Jackson since this photo was released so he may already be living at a zoo or another public primate viewing area adjusting and preparing for his ultimate release, or he may already be in the wild .



Just before the printing deadline this picture was sent in. We determined the image to be just two days old. When we arrived at the location the Primate Exhibit had been closed down and dismantled. When confronted with the photo we were either ignored or the photo was brushed off as being "Photoshopped". We can neither conform or deny that this is Jackson, but we believe the evidence speaks for itself. Godspeed Michael...Godspeed.





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Only 30% of all humans can flare their nostrals!



In a recent study at Harvard University a shocking discovery has emerged. It turns out that only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. What is even more shocking is that in primates almost 50% have this ability. Top scientists from around the world are flocking to the U.S. to try and refute this evidence. Dr. Nosenstein was the first to publicize the findings and the response was not favorable. "We had thousands of calls and people are outraged" said Nosenstein.

"We decided to invite anyone who was willing so we could show them the results as well as to conduct a few experiments. We had 723 people arrive and as it turns out only 216 of them could flare their nostrils (about 30%). To solidify our findings we took 20 random participants to 14 different zoo's and with a simple command were able to have 17 of the 36 apes tested flare their nostrils."
The impact of this finding may lead to a whole new theory on evolution. Did humans actually de-evolve from apes and humans are a weaker species?
Whatever the findings most scientist conclude that if the wrong sort of monkeys find out about this study there could be a huge uproar from the primate community. There are many organizations out there that would love to have the apes recognized this way, but without the correct documentation there is no hard proof and the apes would simply go about their daily lives as normal. Although many now are recommending that families stock up on bananas...just to be safe.


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Letterman Works at McD's

what is a brain twinkey?

what is a brain twinkey?
1. Brain Twinkey (noun) (Brein-Twink-ee) 1. One with a cream-filled cranium 2. To live life in a land of Golden Sponge Cake 3. To be good at making shit up.

internet treasure chest

internet treasure chest
The one and only "Crazy Harry"
MIT Signs Challenge Students

The MIT campus has all new signs that challenge the students math skills in a variety of ways using math equations and problems. Although its amusing to students the community has protested as many have been receiving speeding tickets. Many claim that although that they live near MIT that doesn't mean they are good at math. Local police officers disagree and claim the public should just x*x + 2x - 35 = 0 and solve for x.

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visitors of the zone

Unless quoted or noted all entries are fictional. No harm or disrespect is meant just good old fashion fun! Enjoy!

cool stuff!

cool stuff!
Stare at the dot in the center of the circle and then move your head closer to it.