The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

It was a routine flight. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats in an orderly fashion. The flight attendants went through their safety routine, the cabin door was shut and the plane taxied and took off. Not one person noticed the armrest on seat 14a.
The plane was an Embrair Class jet where the left side of the plane was a single row of seats. This made seat 14a a window and an aisle seat, normally a luxury; this time a potential hazard.
The passenger not taking notice of this prior to take off could have averted a potential disaster if he had paid attention before dozing off.
The problem with the armrest on seat 14a was almost unimaginable in this day and age. With all of the technology we have at out disposal you would hope nothing like this would ever happen. The armrest at seat 14a was that it was missing completely appearing as if someone had purposely removed it! The unknowing passenger in 14a who was so peacefully at rest was in serious jeopardy if he swayed ever so slightly to his right potentially falling into the aisle and disrupting the in-flight routine.
Just in front of seat 14a (seat 13a) a passenger attempting to activate his reading lamp was shocked to find that not only did the light not work, it was missing completely! If the reaction had been anything but that of calmness and discipline it is unknown what type of affect this could have had on the passenger in 14a. With the right set of circumstances one of about a thousand scenarios could have taken place. Luckily the flight continued without disruption and the plane landed safely at Dulles International airport. The plane was sent for immediate repair and it is unknown when it will be re-commissioned.

Many of us have heard of the Soup Nazi, but not so many have had the pleasure of meeting the Flight Attendant Nazi! He lurks down the isles, unknowing to his prey. The seat has yet to be put in its upright and locked position as the plane has begun to move. The attack it quick and abrupt and the seat is now straight. Anger will only create a situation that you cannot win.

Victim number two: His jacket lay neatly across his lap: The announcement clearly stated all items must be stowed, but this seasoned flyer knows his jacket can remain. What he doesn't realize is the Flight Attendant Nazi lives the rules and there are no exceptions. The jacket will be stowed.

I recently became acquainted with this attendant. On each flight I unpack my headphones and iPod as well as a book. I place my headphones and iPod in the seat pocket and will either read my book during take-off or hold it in my lap. Not on this flight! I was sternly told that everything must be packed up until 10,000 feet. Although this is excessive, no argument would be won by me. Upset but remaining quiet I placed my items in my carry-on bag and stowed it under the seat in front of me.

One passenger decided that he wasn't going to oblige. This was a mistake as the Flight Attendant Nazi spoke to him like he was a child, quoting the handbook on the rules of flight and safety. If he wanted to take it up with the Captain he could very easily stop the flight and have the gentleman removed. Control over all passengers is his way of life and those who try to rise against his power will always lose.