The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

President Obama gave another impressive and inspiring speech this past Tuesday (2/24/09) but the results he was looking for maybe overshadowed by the overexcited Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

Pelosi was noticeably excited by the spotlight and on many occasions rose to her feel with the spirit of a teenage cheerleader, leading the room in applause.

Time and time again Pelosi was first to her feet and several times she rose and clapped early, anticipating the President and what he was about to say, proving her allegiance.

After one particular statement The President verbalized regarding the nation’s children, Pelosi rose to her feet so quickly the camera was unable to keep her in the picture. What was most startling was what the camera caught the next time Pelosi rose:

Suzanne Steeplton had worked for the Florida Transportation Bureau (FTB) for 36 years. She was always on time, would work weekends and holidays when asked, and always had a smile on her face. She was the perfect employee; until now. After 2 short hours of work on December 1st Steeplton was fired for handing out beer to every car that came through. Although many drivers found this very entertaining and had no complaints, when a 16 year old brought home the beer to his mother, the mother was outraged and immediately called the FTB.

A Senior Representative drove up to Steepleton's booth only to be greeted with a smile and handed an icy cold Bud. While mildly amused, the representative closed Steepleton's booth and brought her down to headquarters. She was immediately fired and also arrested for distributing alcohol to a minor.

Steepleton claims her innocence and explained herself with the following statement:

I was participating in the required monthly Toll Booth Attendant's conference where we learned December's motto." At the age of 71, Steepleton was a little hard of hearing and on this day she claims was having trouble with her hearing aids. "I swear that I heard the speaker say the theme of the month was "Holiday Beer", and even though I questioned what I heard I asked my good friend Edith Jones who was sitting next to me if that's what he said. Edith confirmed that the motto was "Holiday Beer" and that we were supposed to be extra pleasant while manning our booths. As a bonus we were all told that whoever displayed the most holiday spirit in their toll booths and delivered the most holiday beer, would receive a brand new car. As you can see I did exactly what I was told!"

Although several people sympathized with her there was no way that she could keep her job but was let go with all her retirement benefits in tact. As for the crime she faced, the prosecutor's offered her a plea deal and she was given a small fine and probation.

It was also reported the the new Anheuser-Busch Company wants to use Steepleton in an upcoming holiday commercial where she will get to hand out beer to passers by in a make-shift toll booth placed in Times Square while dressed up as Mrs. Clause.