The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

Bradonville, S.D. (BTZ News) – Little Stevie Beakman was enjoying his first assignment as the school newspapers photographer and was hoping to get a shot that was front page material. He loved photography and was enjoying his Sony Cyber-shot H20 that he just received for his eleventh birthday. He had a brilliant idea for a comedy story about paper airplanes flying too low over the school and disrupting classes. He did a little research and found a great design for a paper airplane, made a few and headed to school.

It was a beautiful sunny Thursday morning and there was only a gentle breeze; perfect paper airplane flying weather, and a perfect morning to capture his idea. Beakman set up his try-pod at a perfect up-angle to catch the head and raised arm of statue that sat affront the school’s main entrance. His Cyber-Shot remote control in one hand and his other hand free to throw the paper airplanes over the statue for the perfect shot.

He began to throw them, one after the other, clicking his remote feverishly in hopes to grab the image he so desired. What Beakman was unaware of were the children in the windows of the school who were looking out. Possibly daydreaming, maybe looking at the birds or just accidental looking that way while solving a math problem. Whatever their reasons many children panicked at the sight of these unknown objects and some even ran from their classrooms as the objects continued to fly. A few children pulled out their cell phones and captured video of the event, and then the bell rang. Beakman, unaware of the havoc he caused picked up the planes and the tri-pod, quickly stuffing them into his book bag and rushed off to his next class.

That afternoon the Principal made an announcement asking the individual or individuals responsible for causing the disturbance to turn themselves in. Beakman, who still had no idea about what his photo-op had caused, was confused and unsure what to do. He went to the Principal and explained himself and apologized repeatedly claiming he had no idea that his actions would cause trouble. He was instantly suspended for not informing the school of his plan. He was asked to give the Principal the memory card from his camera so she could see the photos but Beakman refused. That evening several students uploaded their videos to YouTube.

The next day Beakman’s parents called the Principal and they were FURIOUS at their son. They apologized and said their son made a huge mistake and they were hopeful he could return to school soon.

After a two day suspension Beakman gave the memory card to the Principal, but not before he downloaded the pictures and sent them to his editor. His picture and story made the front page.

People across the world have described their encounters with both the Loch Ness Monster (in the British Islands) and the Lake Champlain Sea Monster (the lake that separates New York State and Vermont) for hundreds of years. Many even have taken photographs. One thing that is in common with every photo is a slight blurriness in the image. The blurry photo's can neither confirm or deny the image is legit but something large seems to be living in the water. Many searches have been performed for the monster's and in some instance the lakes have been scanned by sonar, only to come up empty. Some people have even admitted that the Loch Ness Monster was just a way to attract tourists and was totally made up while others firmly believe in the existence. A recent breakthrough from a lab at the University of Vermont has sent researchers across the globe and now believe they can actually prove once and for all are that the Monsters real.

Recently in the Green Mountains of Vermont a catamount (in the cougar family) was captured. Thought to be non-existent in the region for many years the latest sightings were thought to be bobcat's or another small animal in the cat family. A slightly blurry photo that was taken by Edith Bunker had Animal Control sent to patrol the area.

The animal was tracked and eventually trapped but what they learned next would take the science community by storm. It was definitely a catamount which surprised many locals, but what was astonishing was that no one could focus their eyes on the creature. The cat was literally blurry. This finding led to many scientific tests and yet another discovery; not only did the cat have a gene that gave the animal the appearance of being blurry it was also found to be undetectable by sonar. The softness of the animals appearance makes it almost invisible to scans. It was also noted that the photographs that were thought to be blurry and out of focus were not. This discovery gave one scientist, who claims he has seen the Lake Champlain Sea Monster (known by locals as CHAMP) a new theory on why there are no clear photographs or sonar scans of CHAMP.

With these findings the scientists were able to build a different type of sonar device and it was decided that they would perform some new scans in the nearby Lake Champlain to see if they could detect anything new. Within a couple of days the scientists had scanned two very large and very fast moving images with the new sonar that has many people buzzing. This may be the beginning to finally proving the Lake Champlain Monster really exists. The scientists are currently working on building a second device and taking it overseas to perform the same tests on Lake Loch Ness.