The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

Although this is a repeat post it seems relevant as the year draws to an end and the New Year begins. Look to the Twinkie as a metaphor to all that is good and wonderful in the world. Enjoy the poem below and feel free to replace the word "Twinkie" with something you hold dear to your heart. Have a happy and safe New Year.

Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! How sad I am when you are gone
I hold you in my hands so softly...singing you a song
Your color gleams so gold; my heart have you just won
Your filling oh so sweet till all the cream filling is finally done
Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! The captain of the shelf.
When all others have expired you remain fresh all by your self
No dust shall enter your domain, until the cellophane tears with ease
Then the eating shall commence with a nice side of Vermont sharp cheddar cheese!

Rufus Davidson purchased Gladstones just as gas prices were climbing and the demand for gas was decreasing because of this. Gas prices were the topic of almost every conversation and Davidson said he grew tired of gas prices being referred to incorrectly. "I would always here folks talkin' 'bout the cost of gas and the price. For example a customer would say "I can't believe gas is $3.95 a gallon" when actually in was $3.95 and 9/10 which is basically $3.96."

This led to Davidson making the change.His dilemma was to round the price up or down. With the economy the way it is rounding down would lose him money. Rounding up would make his gas prices look higher then his competitors even though it would only be one-tenth of a cent. "I was havin' what some may call a conundrum" said Davidson. "My first real managerial test...and it was a lulu!" He decided to round up and to his surprise many took immediate notice and many praised the change. "I never did understood dat" said Cletus Buford, a local who was purchasing gas. He continued, "Seemed perty darn silly if ya ask me.......oh ya, you just did."

Davidson's change in price has actually increased his sales and many who these days have to be strict in their budgets are pleased. "It's much easier to do the math" one anonymous purchaser told us.

"I actually have more customers now then I did before" Davidson concludes, "I guess it was the right decision."

C.P Trombley summed up what most locals are feeling. "If I can quote the great Ted Theodore Logan," Trombley continued, "Most unprecedented Rufus...most unprecedented."

People across the world have described their encounters with both the Loch Ness Monster (in the British Islands) and the Lake Champlain Sea Monster (the lake that separates New York State and Vermont) for hundreds of years. Many even have taken photographs. One thing that is in common with every photo is a slight blurriness in the image. The blurry photo's can neither confirm or deny the image is legit but something large seems to be living in the water. Many searches have been performed for the monster's and in some instance the lakes have been scanned by sonar, only to come up empty. Some people have even admitted that the Loch Ness Monster was just a way to attract tourists and was totally made up while others firmly believe in the existence. A recent breakthrough from a lab at the University of Vermont has sent researchers across the globe and now believe they can actually prove once and for all are that the Monsters real.

Recently in the Green Mountains of Vermont a catamount (in the cougar family) was captured. Thought to be non-existent in the region for many years the latest sightings were thought to be bobcat's or another small animal in the cat family. A slightly blurry photo that was taken by Edith Bunker had Animal Control sent to patrol the area.

The animal was tracked and eventually trapped but what they learned next would take the science community by storm. It was definitely a catamount which surprised many locals, but what was astonishing was that no one could focus their eyes on the creature. The cat was literally blurry. This finding led to many scientific tests and yet another discovery; not only did the cat have a gene that gave the animal the appearance of being blurry it was also found to be undetectable by sonar. The softness of the animals appearance makes it almost invisible to scans. It was also noted that the photographs that were thought to be blurry and out of focus were not. This discovery gave one scientist, who claims he has seen the Lake Champlain Sea Monster (known by locals as CHAMP) a new theory on why there are no clear photographs or sonar scans of CHAMP.

With these findings the scientists were able to build a different type of sonar device and it was decided that they would perform some new scans in the nearby Lake Champlain to see if they could detect anything new. Within a couple of days the scientists had scanned two very large and very fast moving images with the new sonar that has many people buzzing. This may be the beginning to finally proving the Lake Champlain Monster really exists. The scientists are currently working on building a second device and taking it overseas to perform the same tests on Lake Loch Ness.