The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

An interesting thing happened to The Zone recently where a reader sent in a question to our email inbox. We, the Zone Staff, felt it deserved a response. Not only did the question deserve a response we felt that the response would be best answered in a post. Here is the question that we received with our response.

Dear BrainTwinkey,

I have been reading your posts for some time and I keep asking myself the same question over and over again: Do you really like Twinkies? You have mentioned Twinkies several times and even written a poem about them. If you do really like Twinkies where do you rank them with other snack food? Thanks, Julie B - San Antonio

Dear Julie,

It's funny that you ask this question as you are not the first one to ask (you are the second). Although I have to wonder if you have ever actually had a Twinkie before? THEY'RE DELICIOUS! Soft, golden, sweet spongy cake on the outside, and wonderfully sweet cream filling. It's the perfect combination. Throw a slice of Vermont Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese into the mix and heaven awaits!
Sure, there are other things you can snack on that are healthier, and please, have a healthy snack from time to time. But when you are having one of those days where nothing seems to please you, head for that gas station quick mart, dust off the oldest Twinkie on the shelf and dive into freedom!

Although this is a repeat post it seems relevant as the year draws to an end and the New Year begins. Look to the Twinkie as a metaphor to all that is good and wonderful in the world. Enjoy the poem below and feel free to replace the word "Twinkie" with something you hold dear to your heart. Have a happy and safe New Year.

Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! How sad I am when you are gone
I hold you in my hands so softly...singing you a song
Your color gleams so gold; my heart have you just won
Your filling oh so sweet till all the cream filling is finally done
Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! The captain of the shelf.
When all others have expired you remain fresh all by your self
No dust shall enter your domain, until the cellophane tears with ease
Then the eating shall commence with a nice side of Vermont sharp cheddar cheese!

Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! How sad I am when you are gone

I hold you in my hands so softly...singing you a song

Your color gleams so gold; my heart have you just won

Your filling oh so sweet till all the cream filling is finally done

Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! The captain of the shelf.

When all others have expired you remain fresh all by your self

No dust shall enter your domain, until the cellophane tears with ease

Then the eating shall commence with a nice side of sharp cheddar cheese!

Governor Palin was overheard recently saying that if she had known Obama enjoyed the Golden Snack cakes as much as she did, she may have switched parties. She would have then spent time convincing Obama to select her as his running mate. "I know we would make a dynamic team, and in the tradition of former Presidents and their crutches "(for example President Carter and peanuts as well as President Reagan and his jellybeans)" we would be the first President/Vice President with the same addiction.....the love of Twinkies!"

When asked about this later, Governor Palin said that she was just going over a possible skit with a friend in case she gets a call from Saturday Night Live! Although sources tell us she has mentioned this in private before. "She loves Twinkies so much" one source told us, "that she has Vetoed items solely on the assumption that a lawmaker didn't look like a Twinkie lover." When this information was brought up to Senator Obama, he admitted that he really enjoyed a Twinkie from time to time but never let that love affect his politics.