The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

Searching for your ancestors? Wondering how far back you can go until you run into a dead end? Well go back far enough and you may get a little surprise.

Evolutionism has given humans close ties to apes as well as other theories that humans first emerged from the water or the air. Nowhere has a link to humans and chickens ever been discussed….until now.

The Jackson Laboratory’s recent discovery has shocked the science world. The Jackson Laboratory focuses on genetics research and they recently began using a new device that can scan deeper then ever thought imaginable. What they found in their test runs of the machine threw them into a direction that no one had seen coming.

“We took some genetic material from Geraldine, our lab chicken, just to use as a test subject. We weren’t looking for anything specific, just running a test. What we found was more then we bargained for.” said Xio Tsheu, the lead scientist in the genetic testing department. “After testing and retesting Geraldine we discovered a common human trait. After several more tests on Geraldine, as well as one of our lab technicians, we discovered an interesting commonality. This led us to the shocking realization that human’s....were once egg layers” said Tsheu , while shaking his head in disbelief. “This proves it..there can be no doubt”.

“This gives a whole new meaning for pregnant women who are nesting prior to giving birth” laughed David Jackmin, another scientist on Tsheu’s team. “The term really isn’t that far from the truth”.

Tsheu said the science is there but obviously there are no remains discovered to prove this. “Unless” says Tsheu, “There has been some government cover up, although I don’t know why they (the government) would hide this.”

Although Tsheu seemed genually bothered by his discovery he appeared to relax a bit by the end of the interview by stating, “At the least it takes the guess work out of it for anyone wondering what human tastes like.”

As the end of 2008 draws nears the economy problem is still front and center. May companies are cutting costs by any means possible and often people are losing their jobs. The fast food industry is not immune to this and they are attempting to cut-costs without having staff lose their jobs. This has been described as a very "noble" gesture although many feel it's not possible. The companies are trying to take care of their employees as well as the companies future and many have taken notice.
In order to cut costs the latest experiment has been to drop the high cooking costs that use up a large amount of the business dollars. Any way to cut costs in cooking can only be a benefit to each companies continued growth.

Several fast food chains are offering a new type of uncooked sandwich. This sandwich, called the 'mini-chickie' (see photo) may change the way fast-food restaurants prepare their food. By serving the sandwiches in this manner the fast food companies can reduce the cost of cooking for these delicious little sandwiches and they can even raise the price. The sandwiches hold an "entertainment value" said one manager of a local fast food chain. "It takes the eating of a sandwich to a new level. I think people really enjoy it!"

Each sandwich comes with a drink, bib, fries, extra napkins, a small billy club and a toothpick.

Throw away the turkey grandma, KFC is taking over! In an announcement that may change the face of Thanksgiving, KFC will now offer a complete four-person Thanksgiving Dinner for only $29.95. "We decided that it was time for the holiday to change a bit" said Justin Voorhees, the new CEO of KFC, "Turkey has ruled the roost since the days of the Pilgrim. That's about to change. We are going to take twenty pound chickens and deep fry the whole thing. Biscuits, potatoes, cranberry, stuffing and pumpkin pie, all the fixins!" When we asked him what prompted the decision Voorhees said that the economy has people cutting back and the traditional holiday meal is not affordable to many. "If you went out and purchased all the normal items that goes with a turkey dinner you can spend from $200 -$2,000 dollars if not more!" Vorhees explained. "Anyone who wants all those fabulous herbs and spices they have grown to love over the years, mixed in with a Thanksgiving feast then pre-order your meals by November 22nd and not only will you get a fabulous meal but it's affordable as well!"