join us

Using Human Feces in Mulch Closes Eco-Friendly Landscape Company


Springtime is here! The grass is turning green, flowers are blooming and the air is smelling fresh. It’s a wonderful time of year, except for many in the southwest corner of Indiana.

Many new businesses have been appearing over the last several years who advertise being Eco-Friendly. It’s the ‘in’ things these days as the world is trying to do more to save the environment by putting less artificial items into it. For local business owner Brady Hart this was his intention when he started Eco-Scape, his Eco-Friendly landscaping company.

From bio-diesel trucks to mulch made from dead trees, Hart’s business not only produced high quality work, but was also friendly to the environment.

The word of his business spread quickly through the County as most residents here took pride in their homes appearance. It also didn't hurt that all of the contracts Eco-Scape currently had from the previous year had the most wonderful gardens anyone had ever seen, so everyone was anxious for Hart’s service.

Before the snow had even melted, Eco-Scape had 35 new customers on top of the 26 from the previous year. For a three-man business they were maxed out.

The three-man crew worked from dusk until dawn everyday, always arriving on time and only leaving when the job was done. Everyone was extremely pleased with the pre-spring preparations and as the snow finally melted and plant-life began it was time for preparing the flower beds and of course, mulching. It was rumored that the homemade mulch mixture was the reason behind the amazing flower beds.

All of the dreams of those beautiful flowerbeds and lawns came to an abrupt halt one April morning.

During a routine business inspection the crew of Eco-Scape was discovered mixing human feces with bark mulch in preparation for their mulch-spreading weekend. It turns out that the three men built a storage tank and attached it to their toilet where they continuously added to the content. From this tank they made all of their eco-friendly mulch, plant food and lawn fertilizer. As there are no current laws in Indiana that say this is illegal there was nothing the law enforcemnt official could do(besides vomit in his mouth). All that he could do was to report his findings to all of their customers who of course, promptly discontinued Eco-Scapes service.

None of the Eco-Scape customers were willing to be interviewed although one person commented anonymously. “We always thought things smelled a bit different then the normal fertilizer that we used. We figured that because it was environmentally safe the smell was just a side affect. It got better after a week or so anyway.” They continued, “Our yard and flowers looked so wonderful we actually thought about keeping them on. Of course we couldn’t because it’s really gross.”



5 comments:

Darth Rob said...

True Story: When I was a kid my Mom and my Aunt would go to the sewage treatment plant to get their fertilizer. Of course it had been treated and whatnot, but still they'd come home with crap all over em. They swore it was the best.

The Brain Twinkey said...

Ah yes Rob - the good ole days. I remember when my parents came home from the sewage plant as wel.. wait..what!

Kit Walker said...

Crap is crap, and since humans are the most prolific waste producing creatures on the planet, might as well do something useful with all those leftovers.

But then again Soylent Green made sense to me too:

Recycle everything.

David said...

Here in DC the government willingly delivers free "mulch" that is harvested from the sewage treatment plant. It is quite effective, I'm told.

Revon said...

yeah the old days is not a part to throw it off from the brain. what ever materials they use, even if it is human waste. I believe that, recycling is the best option for saving the earth. we have given intelligence, is not to waste any thing. But use it for our own safety and protection. Save earth nourish ourselves..
recycled rubber products

video of the week

Letterman Works at McD's

what is a brain twinkey?

what is a brain twinkey?
1. Brain Twinkey (noun) (Brein-Twink-ee) 1. One with a cream-filled cranium 2. To live life in a land of Golden Sponge Cake 3. To be good at making shit up.

internet treasure chest

internet treasure chest
The one and only "Crazy Harry"
MIT Signs Challenge Students

The MIT campus has all new signs that challenge the students math skills in a variety of ways using math equations and problems. Although its amusing to students the community has protested as many have been receiving speeding tickets. Many claim that although that they live near MIT that doesn't mean they are good at math. Local police officers disagree and claim the public should just x*x + 2x - 35 = 0 and solve for x.

Awards

visitors of the zone

Unless quoted or noted all entries are fictional. No harm or disrespect is meant just good old fashion fun! Enjoy!

cool stuff!

cool stuff!
Stare at the dot in the center of the circle and then move your head closer to it.