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Woman finds a bat in her coffee filter!






This is a true story:

It is definitely the Halloween season and no more so then in the Midwest of the United States. The Associated Press reports that a woman in Iowa found a bat in her coffee filter! The woman had reported a bat in her home but never worried about it. That was a mistake! It was reported that she "turned on her automatic coffee maker before she went to bed and had her coffee the next morning. They said she discovered the bat in the filter in the coffee maker when she went to clean it out that night."

So she literally drank bat flavored coffee! There's a flavor that will probably not get mass produced!

It was also reported that the bat was sent to a lab for testing but the brain was too cooked by the brewing water to determine if it had rabies. The woman has to under go rabies treatment.


I wonder if she will ever brew a pot of coffee again without checking...will you?


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An Ode to the Twinkie



Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! How sad I am when you are gone

I hold you in my hands so softly...singing you a song

Your color gleams so gold; my heart have you just won

Your filling oh so sweet till all the cream filling is finally done

Oh Twinkie! my Twinkie! The captain of the shelf.

When all others have expired you remain fresh all by your self

No dust shall enter your domain, until the cellophane tears with ease

Then the eating shall commence with a nice side of sharp cheddar cheese!




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Candy Land Discovered!



We all have all walked along the rainbow path through the peppermint stick forest, visited the gingerbread plum tree and the gumdrop mountain all while trying to avoid the gooey gumdrops, getting lost in the lollipop woods, or stuck in the molasses swamp. Of course this walk could only take place while playing the board game Candy Land...until now.
It has been revealed that Jester Hasbro had accidental come across the Island when as a youth his parents boat was overturned during a storm and he was adrift at sea, being washed ashore. The story is that he was found by a member of the Candy Castle's Court. He was immediately taken in, nurtured back to health and secretly returned to a location where he could be discovered. Hasbro had always thought this experience was a dream and wrote about it in a journal as a child, later to become one of the most beloved board games in existence. When put in hypnosis recently for a separate matter it was discovered that he had actually visited this island and through certain facts was able to locate it. The island is so remote that even if you arrived there you would fall unknowingly into the islands safety measures and never find the rainbow path. Although upon Hasbro's return he was recognized even though it had been years later and was welcomed with open arms. He was allowed to take photo's and spend some time with the locals (who all had an uncanny resemblance to gingerbread men & women) but the islands location remains a secret.


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GEICO Gecko and Caveman ad fails miserably



In what can only be described as a total disaster, the new Geico ad campaign has failed miserably. The idea of the new ad campaign was to get the Gecko and the Caveman in a Presidential Debate forum and have the moderator asking questions about insurance companies. The debate would turn into a love-fest where the two sides agree on everything. As this type of agreements on the issues would never occur in a debate the humor of the ad is front and center. What the producers didn't realize is the Gecko and the Caveman are very competitive with each other so there was some underlying tension. The day started off relatively flawless, both parties had a very successful read-through although you could sense something was amiss.

The problem started during the first take.

The two were each at their podiums. The Gecko obviously sitting on his, the caveman standing. The director was giving the two a brief overview of what he was looking for and then gave the Gecko a task. The Gecko, in his Australian accent said "Okay Bobby, that sounds really, really easy" emphasizing on the word 'easy'. What he didn't realize was that the microphone was on, the Gecko then said under his breath, "yea, even easy enough so the idiot Caveman can do it." Without warning the Caveman jumped up on top of his podium, and in a crouching position with arms spread wide and teeth showing he leaped through the air; while in mid-air he grabbed the Gecko off of his podium, landing again in a crouching position and ate him! It all happened so quickly that literally everyone watching didn't even have a chance to react.

The Caveman is currently on the run.


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PEZ increased IQ Scores - many children declaired geniuses!


Sugar, corn syrup, adipic acid, hydrogenated palm kernel & palm oils & soybean oil mono & diglycerides, natural and artificial flavors, artificial colors (including FD&C red3, yellow5, yellow6, blue2 depending on flavor). Sounds pretty tasty and it is! These are the ingredients to the wonderfully suite PEZ candy.
The story: Over the last few years there have been over 17 children documented as geniuses in Orange, CT all below the age of 18! This spawned an investigation by Yale University Professor John Lapezney (La-PEZ-Knee). He had heard of a similar incident in Vienna, Austria but no conclusion had ever been reached.
After extensive studies and interviews Dr. Lapezney had something to move forward with and headed to the lab. Six months later he found his answer and unfortunately the conclusion could never be repeated again.
It turns out that coincidental two farms in two different decades on two different continents had a cow that had almost identical genes. Both of theses cows were milk producers and both of theses cows milk went into the factories that made small milk cartons that were distributed to elementary schools. The gene that made these cows almost identical was a gene that when mixed with red3, yellow6 and blue2 somehow increased brain activity in a portion of the brain that only 10% of the population used. The theory: Both Orange, CT and Vienna, Austria have PEZ factories and although PEZ is a sugar snack most families have a parent who works for the factory which means they eat a lot of PEZ and because they most likely drank milk from these cartons in makes sense why so many children became 'geniuses'. As the gene that was found form these cows is extremely rare, doing genetic tests on all cows would be too expensive and it would be a miracle to find another cow with this gene.


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Mayhem in the Hall of Justice





The days seem to be numbered for the super hero's residing under one roof to fight crime. There have been rumors that Batman and Superman have come to irreconcilable differences and it seems the rest of the group has chosen sides as well. Even the Wonder Twins are on opposite sides although the monkey, Gleek, seems to be on which ever side has more bananas.

There has been no word from inside the walls of the Hall of Justice, but a source close to those inside say the issue is the result of who is the better Super Hero. Batman claims that he has the ability to handle his work load and a good portion of Superman's where Superman couldn't solve a riddle if his life depended on it. Superman proceeded to use his eye-lasers which Batman quickly absorbed with a device that was built into his Bat-Gloves responding with, "Is that your best?" Superman stormed out and the riff began. It also didn't help that the next day on the front page of the Daily Planet the headline read, "Batman is a weenie" and then the sudden "escape" from prison by Lex Luthor. Our source has said that they are bringing in a mediator to try and get the sides to cool down, and the rumor is it's going to be Dr. Phil. More as this story unfolds...


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The Wiggles Inspire Me


Getting off the normal beat and path of my standard writing style....Having two young children makes our family mornings busy and entertaining. When it's time for the final push out the door The Wiggles pop on the tube and settle them for the few moments I need to get the car loaded, brush my daughters hair etc. Now the Wiggles do a lot of silly things and sing about weird stuff (fruit salad and a rose eating dinosaur) but it's safe and educational and it actually fits into my normal frame of mind so I am also entertained. I often make up songs and being goofy on a daily basis inspires my thoughts that I write down here on occasion. I have always been this way but maybe the Wiggles have helped me stay in this mind set; as being a professional and a parent can make people too serious.


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Governor Palin and Senator Obama both enjoy Twinkie's




Governor Palin was overheard recently saying that if she had known Obama enjoyed the Golden Snack cakes as much as she did, she may have switched parties. She would have then spent time convincing Obama to select her as his running mate. "I know we would make a dynamic team, and in the tradition of former Presidents and their crutches "(for example President Carter and peanuts as well as President Reagan and his jellybeans)" we would be the first President/Vice President with the same addiction.....the love of Twinkies!"

When asked about this later, Governor Palin said that she was just going over a possible skit with a friend in case she gets a call from Saturday Night Live! Although sources tell us she has mentioned this in private before. "She loves Twinkies so much" one source told us, "that she has Vetoed items solely on the assumption that a lawmaker didn't look like a Twinkie lover." When this information was brought up to Senator Obama, he admitted that he really enjoyed a Twinkie from time to time but never let that love affect his politics.


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Cat and Elephant conspire...trick mouse : Part 1



The plan was flawless. The weather purrrrrrrfect. The moon.......full. Jimson the mouse had lived under the big top for weeks and every night after all of the lights were out he would go underneath the bleachers and eat all the peanut scraps that unknowingly to him once belonged to Bibber the elephant.
Prior to the arrival if Jimson, Alley (the cat) would go through the big top and collect all of the peanut scraps and put them in a pile so first thing in the morning when Bibber entered the tent (he was always first) he would have a wonderful morning snack. Alley and Bibber were the best of friends.
Now Alley had been around for a while and was what you would call "well-seasoned" as age was becoming an enemy. So he was no spring chicken. This made it almost impossible to catch Jimson, and Jimson often taunted Alley.
Well Bibber and Alley had had enough and they made a plan that would end Jimson's antics.


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Walking on tip-toes cures baldness



A new study has proven that walking on your tip-toes 50% of the time can actually cure baldness! A study was performed on 100 bald men for 16 weeks and the results were stunning. Dr. Sven Baldenheimer says elevation is the key to success. "Baldness is definitely genetic but what also occurs is that once we reach our maximum height our body settles into its elevation and over time the hair begins to fall out. By simply increasing your height by as much as a half-inch, and the change your body goes through using different muscles as well as the concentration that goes with balancing on your tip toes all contribute to the re-growing of your hair." When asked to explain in more detail the Doctor said, "It's a lot of big words but trust me it works."


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How whiskey got its name



It's often a mystery how certain things get there names, and this holds true for whiskey...until now! It all started with a couple of hillbillies and their shack somewhere hidden in the flat lands of Tennessee. The two creators were taking a couple of buddies through the woods to show them their creation and get drunk. As they approached the front door the first hillbilly reached into his pocket to fetch his key only to discover there was a hole in his pocket. After cursing he looked to his friend and said, "Dammit Charlie....I seems to lost me key. I s'pose we can unlock de door w'is his key. From that day on they called their creation "W'is-his-key", later to be renamed 'Whiskey'.


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15 Monkeys and a chicken



When I close my eyes and imagine what it might be like to hang out with 15 monkeys and a chicken I see everyone sitting around a poker table that is dimly lit by a hanging lamp that resides over the center of a green table; all the monkeys are smoking cigars and wearing those 80's style visor hats where the visor is a transparent blue, green and red in color. They all have a very serious look on their faces. The chicken has no idea what's going on and it's just pecking at a bowl full of feed stopping on occasion to look quickly in a few directions only to go back to eating. I imagine the monkeys are cheating....


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Toes equal speed


If I had eleven or even twelve toes could I run faster? I think less toes would equal less speed as your balance would be off a little. I think each toe does its part to create your speed so why wouldn't more toes equal more speed? Or is it possible that we have the exact number of toes to give us the maximum speed our bodies can produce? Do people with webbed toes swim faster? What would happen if one of the top swimmers in the world has surgically implanted webs between their toes? Would they still be allowed to swim competitively?


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No stick sand!


I love the beach. Sometimes when you are lying in the sun and you are half asleep the world transforms into a strange place. You can still hear your surroundings but your mind wanders to bazaar places.
I recently visited the sand factory where scientist were inventing a special sand that would not stick to human bodies. Sand on only the most prestigious beaches/resorts would be allowed to purchase this sand, and it would come in a variety of colors and smells. No more showering before you leave the beach as the sand would act like water on a freshly waxed car. A quick little shake and you would be sand free! Even if you had sunscreen on! Anyone who has spent the day at the beach then hit the showers understands how sand finds it way into strange places or adheres to your body so you have to scrub your skin just to remove the granules. Not anymore! AMAZING!


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video of the week

Letterman Works at McD's

what is a brain twinkey?

what is a brain twinkey?
1. Brain Twinkey (noun) (Brein-Twink-ee) 1. One with a cream-filled cranium 2. To live life in a land of Golden Sponge Cake 3. To be good at making shit up.

internet treasure chest

internet treasure chest
The one and only "Crazy Harry"
MIT Signs Challenge Students

The MIT campus has all new signs that challenge the students math skills in a variety of ways using math equations and problems. Although its amusing to students the community has protested as many have been receiving speeding tickets. Many claim that although that they live near MIT that doesn't mean they are good at math. Local police officers disagree and claim the public should just x*x + 2x - 35 = 0 and solve for x.

Awards

visitors of the zone

Unless quoted or noted all entries are fictional. No harm or disrespect is meant just good old fashion fun! Enjoy!

cool stuff!

cool stuff!
Stare at the dot in the center of the circle and then move your head closer to it.