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Man's Pants Don't Fit - His Ass Is Too Big

We all love snacks, sweets and the feeling of a full belly can be wonderful. This time of year we indulge in many tasty treats as the Holiday Season is among us. Many of us are also entering the coldest time of the year when our activity levels decrease because we are often staying indoors. Although many find this time of year wonderful for the before-mentioned reasons, many will also pack on a few pounds as a result and most with discomfort and guilt. This is especially true for one man named Phillip H. Ead's.

Ead's was dressing for his annual company Holiday Party. Every year he wears the same suit with the red shirt and musical Christmas tie. He loves this suit as he had it custom made several years prior. This year there was a problem, and it just so happens to be a problem that many of us have faced. A tight top button.

His first though was to the dry cleaner. They shrunk his suit; those bastards! This anger quickly passed as he realized he never sent the suit to the cleaners after last years Holiday Party and he never had time to get it cleaned this year.

Second thought: The closet must have some kind of moisture leak...maybe from a bathroom vent. This caused the suit to get damp and dry out several times. This would surely lead to suit shrinkage. He quickly retrieved a pair of pants from the same closet and surly enough those pants were tight as well.

He decided the only option he had was to purchase a new pair of pants so he hopped in the car and headed into town. He found his favorite suit store, gave the clerk his measurements and tried on a pair or pants. Then he tried on another pair, and another. They were all tight. He accused the clerk of giving him the wrong sizes...she didn't. And it wasn't his waist that was the problem; it turned out that after 35 years of a nice girlish figure over the last year Ead's seems to have grown himself an ass. Much to his dismay he had gained about 10 pounds as well.

This being the time of year for indulgence, Ead's has decided to go on a diet for his New Year's Resolution.


Anonymous said...

Annual problem...


Marcy said...

Ha! Those damn dry cleaners! They're been shrinking my clothes for years, especially after having kids.

The Brain Twinkey said...

AV and Marcy - you both speak the truth! Except my wife had the kids.

Darth Rob said...

10 pounds is nothing, the world is way too concerned with image and health. No matter how thin you are or how healthy you are, you will die. Theres no escape. So eat all you want and lay on your couch watching X-mas shows. The people who truly care about you wont care what size you are. Chubby.

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