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Manny’s Drug Test Results Prove He Was Enhancing His Manhood, Not His Swing.

Los Angelis, CA (BTZ NEWS) – If you haven’t heard by now, Manny Ramirez, who plays left field for the Los Angelis Dodgers, shocked the baseball world by having high levels of testosterone in his urine. Per Major League Baseball rules, this type of result is a mandatory 50 game suspension. The player has the option to appeal the ruling that normally delays the suspension and on occasion lessens the amount of games suspended. Ramirez and his agent, Scott Boris, decided not to appeal and begin the suspension immediately. Ramirez apologized to his fans and his team and that was the last anyone heard from him.

Many thought the reason to not appeal was that the case was unwinnable and better to put out the fire. That would be the normal response of a guilty party who was accepting they were guilty. As it turns out, Ramirez and Boris may have been trying to cover something up.

It may have been assumed by the two (Boris & Ramirez) that admitting his guilt would be the end of the case. No need to analyze the case any further as guilt had been proclaimed.

No such luck.

Major League Baseball took Ramirez’s urine and examined it completely to determine exactly what substance was used. To the surprise of the League, Ramirez’s high levels of testosterone had nothing to do with increasing his strength. The drug that was found in his urine is actually used in drugs that supposedly “increase” the length of ones manhood. Not only was this drug not prescribed by a doctor in Florida, as Ramirez proclaimed, the type of testosterone used can only be found in one type of medication. The medication is currently being sold on late night T.V. ads.

With the new evidence being reported, Boris has once again quickly come out with a statement: “Manny realized that he made a mistake. When his results came in as positive he immediate brought me the pills. No one knew he was taking anything and he didn’t have anyone look at the ingredients of the pills, he just took them. “ Boris continued, “We made up the story of the trainer in Florida in hopes to put the story to bed. Manny said he would rather people think he was suspended because he was taking performance enhancing drugs as opposed to taking pills because he is lacking size in a private area of his body. We knew either way the suspension would not be lifted so we came up with this story.”

One can only guess the kind of taunting Ramirez will take wherever he goes…


Nomad said...

now that Manny has half the season off he can go home to his private island and wallow while he sips iced tea and works on his tan

haruko said...

hi good morning i have read your post.. it is so nice to read...Elizabeth Wilcox
Elizabeth Wilcox

Urine Drug Test said...

Currently, the majority of drug testing is poorly done and plagued with unreliable information. There are three aspects to reliable drug testing that should provide enough information to empower the consumer to demand proper testing procedures. Strict collection procedures proper testing procedures and random notification.

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