The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

14 Home Runs into right field over the first four home games at the New Yankee Stadium has many scratching their heads and wondering if the architecture of the new stadium is to blame. Some are theorizing that the direction the stadium is facing includes a natural breeze that seems to carry routine fly balls over the wall in right field.

While the Yankees are playing away games this weekend the stadium has been packed with meteorologists and other scientists to determine if the wind currents are to blame or is the reason behind the home runs just a combination of bad pitching and/or great hitting.

The preliminary results have them scratching their heads even more.

When the new Yankee Stadium was designed one of the plans was to keep the "look" of the old staduim to the new. A similar look and same field dimensions were atop of the list.

They also didn't want to upset the well known "Bleacher-Creatures" which is the nickname of the bleacher section from the right field seats. This section in the new stadium was also to be designed to mimic the old.

When the right field bleachers were completed it was quickly noted that the color of the seats that were ordered and installed was wrong. In order to copy the color from the old stadium a special paint had to be produced with a unique combination of colors. This way the new seats would actually look worn and discolored and maybe fool the novice Yankee Fan into believing the seats were actually removed and installed from the old stadium.

The unique combination of colors, as well as some metallic substances (used to create the perfect color match) were mixed together. It turns out this combination has created a type of magnetic force that attracts the rubber cement that is used to coat the center of a MLB baseball, towards the seats in right field.

"Ooops!" said Yankees GM Brian Cashman, "Although it's a relief that we at leat know the cause. Although the amount of time it will take to redo the bleacher section will take longer than any road trip the Yankees will take this year so the change will have to occur during the off season."

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig is trying to decide if they should just let the season play out, or if they should look into a new design for the official baseball.

"The Yankees are the greatest show on Earth and I will let them choose" said Selig. "They generate so much revenue for the league that upsetting that franchice would be not only a career mistake but it could also ruin the game entirely. I'll talk to the Steinbrenner's and I'm sure if I agree with their decision, at the least they would pay off the mortgage on my Manhatten Pent House."

There has been no comment at this point from the Yankees in response to Selig's comments.

Question: How can you take the record holder for all Gold Medals in a single Olympics as well as all time off of the front page of every newspaper across the world after a photo of him taking a bong-hit has been leaked? Have A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees) admit to taking PED's (Performance Enhancing Drugs) after his name was leaked from a test that was taken in 2003 that was supposed to be anonymous. What are the odds of that happening, and happening at the most ideal time for Phelps? A billion to one!

Phelps reportedly is going to give one of his Gold Medals to Rodriguez as thanks. Never in his (Phelps) wildest thoughts could he have come up with this. Phelps told friends he had been sitting at home trying to figure out ways to get himself and that picture off of the front pages and covers of newspapers and magazines. When nothing came to mind Phelps began praying for a natural disaster or a high profile murder or celebrity drug bust, anything! It would take something catastrophic for his story to disappear.

Phelps was brought into an emergency room just after the news of A-Rod first hit as Phelps cracked his head on his ceiling after jumping for joy and disbelief. Although it wasn't that head-wound that brought him to the hospital. Phelps fell off his couch and hit his head again when A-Rod did his interview with Peter Gammon's and admitted his PED use.

While in the hospital Phelps watched when the President of the United States was asked about A-Rod and steroids during his first Prime Time speech as President. He instantly went into cardiac arrest but recovered almost instantly, probably realizing that the heat on him has all but passed.

Let's just hope for Phelps that if he ever took PED's he never gets caught.

The New York Yankees have made yet another offer to a high-profile individual to assist in the ever growing cast of characters they are buying this off-season. Although this time the contract isn't being extended to a ball player but to a musician.

Madonna is reported to be in conversations with the Yankees front office negotiating a contract that will keep her with the Yankee slugger, Alex Rodriguez. Rodriguez and Madonna have recently opened up about their relationship and ever since Rodriguez's off season training has been over the top. "He's smiling, his skills as a third baseman are elevating and he is hitting the ball better then ever" one coach said.

Those who follow the Yankees, especially Rodriguez, understand how fragile his personality is. One Yankee player told us, "Alex puts a lot of pressure on himself, and when he isn't performing well it's hard for him to resurface. When he's happy he is at his best".

Ever since he began dating Madonna his attitude is better then ever and the Yankees have taken notice.

The Yankees have a lot of money invested in Rodriguez and they are obviosly willing to spend a little more to insure the deal. Although most people feel the relationship between Madonna and Rodriguez is "yucky" it can't be overlooked on how well he is playing.

Part of the $12 million does have performance bonuses built in. "Madonna is no amateur negotiator. She knows what she wants and how to get it."

It is being reported that there are added bonuses for Rodriguez batting over 300 for the year, having over 40 home runs, over 40 stolen bases and post season play. Totals that could bring the singer another $10 Million.

One inside source said that Madonna knows Rodriguez so well that she can figure out what works best to keep him happy and playing well. "Madonna told us that she knows just what to say or "do" to Alex to maintain his level of happiness. A happy Alex is a performing Alex and that's exactly what the Yankees want from this contract."

There has been no confirmation from the Yankees as of now, but inside sources tell us an announcement could come as soon as January 2nd.