The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

This is a true story:

It is definitely the Halloween season and no more so then in the Midwest of the United States. The Associated Press reports that a woman in Iowa found a bat in her coffee filter! The woman had reported a bat in her home but never worried about it. That was a mistake! It was reported that she "turned on her automatic coffee maker before she went to bed and had her coffee the next morning. They said she discovered the bat in the filter in the coffee maker when she went to clean it out that night."

So she literally drank bat flavored coffee! There's a flavor that will probably not get mass produced!

It was also reported that the bat was sent to a lab for testing but the brain was too cooked by the brewing water to determine if it had rabies. The woman has to under go rabies treatment.

Sugar, corn syrup, adipic acid, hydrogenated palm kernel & palm oils & soybean oil mono & diglycerides, natural and artificial flavors, artificial colors (including FD&C red3, yellow5, yellow6, blue2 depending on flavor). Sounds pretty tasty and it is! These are the ingredients to the wonderfully suite PEZ candy.
The story: Over the last few years there have been over 17 children documented as geniuses in Orange, CT all below the age of 18! This spawned an investigation by Yale University Professor John Lapezney (La-PEZ-Knee). He had heard of a similar incident in Vienna, Austria but no conclusion had ever been reached.
After extensive studies and interviews Dr. Lapezney had something to move forward with and headed to the lab. Six months later he found his answer and unfortunately the conclusion could never be repeated again.
It turns out that coincidental two farms in two different decades on two different continents had a cow that had almost identical genes. Both of theses cows were milk producers and both of theses cows milk went into the factories that made small milk cartons that were distributed to elementary schools. The gene that made these cows almost identical was a gene that when mixed with red3, yellow6 and blue2 somehow increased brain activity in a portion of the brain that only 10% of the population used. The theory: Both Orange, CT and Vienna, Austria have PEZ factories and although PEZ is a sugar snack most families have a parent who works for the factory which means they eat a lot of PEZ and because they most likely drank milk from these cartons in makes sense why so many children became 'geniuses'. As the gene that was found form these cows is extremely rare, doing genetic tests on all cows would be too expensive and it would be a miracle to find another cow with this gene.

Getting off the normal beat and path of my standard writing style....Having two young children makes our family mornings busy and entertaining. When it's time for the final push out the door The Wiggles pop on the tube and settle them for the few moments I need to get the car loaded, brush my daughters hair etc. Now the Wiggles do a lot of silly things and sing about weird stuff (fruit salad and a rose eating dinosaur) but it's safe and educational and it actually fits into my normal frame of mind so I am also entertained. I often make up songs and being goofy on a daily basis inspires my thoughts that I write down here on occasion. I have always been this way but maybe the Wiggles have helped me stay in this mind set; as being a professional and a parent can make people too serious.

If I had eleven or even twelve toes could I run faster? I think less toes would equal less speed as your balance would be off a little. I think each toe does its part to create your speed so why wouldn't more toes equal more speed? Or is it possible that we have the exact number of toes to give us the maximum speed our bodies can produce? Do people with webbed toes swim faster? What would happen if one of the top swimmers in the world has surgically implanted webs between their toes? Would they still be allowed to swim competitively?

I love the beach. Sometimes when you are lying in the sun and you are half asleep the world transforms into a strange place. You can still hear your surroundings but your mind wanders to bazaar places.
I recently visited the sand factory where scientist were inventing a special sand that would not stick to human bodies. Sand on only the most prestigious beaches/resorts would be allowed to purchase this sand, and it would come in a variety of colors and smells. No more showering before you leave the beach as the sand would act like water on a freshly waxed car. A quick little shake and you would be sand free! Even if you had sunscreen on! Anyone who has spent the day at the beach then hit the showers understands how sand finds it way into strange places or adheres to your body so you have to scrub your skin just to remove the granules. Not anymore! AMAZING!