The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008: October 2008

Best Halloween Costumes

FIRST PLACE!!!! Beer anyone?

Second place!

That's not right!

Neither is this...

Or this.

Now this is funny!

Happy Halloween!

Mildred and Albert Swanson have been arrested in Finley, Alabama due to complete idiocy and bad judgement. The District Attorney agreed that although there is no law that states someone can be arrested for bad judgement these two need to be behind bars at the least to save their son from years of therapy.

In what has to be the stupidest idea for a Halloween costume the Swanson's thought it would be funny to dress there son up as a terrorist:

People throughout the community are shocked and for the child's sake the parents will be prosecuted. As part of their punishment all of the candy in their home will be given away on October 31st.

Do to disbelief no more will be written about this incident.

Pole Vaulter sets new record...by accident

In the much anticipated release of the 2009 Guinness Book of World Records the record of the year went to David Valhume of West Dover, Massachusetts. Each year Guinness gives out one special award for a World Record that is set by accident. The given title of this record is, "World Record set for negative distance in Pole Vault." Not only did Valhume receive the award but he created a new category for The Book at the same time. The category that was created is listed in The Book under "Records broken when the opposite results occur." The small print excludes any situations that have been planned so all entries would have to be accidental, unplanned situations.

Many have felt that this is a move by the publishers who have seen a steady decrease in interest for the Book of World Records and that this is a desperate attempt to gain attention to increase sales. Many also feel that this will start a trend where many will try and 'stage' record attempts and people may get hurt. This was quickly revealed as a growing issue when the following video was found:

Luckily no one was hurt.

AllTop Adds The Brain Twinkey Zone!

Just a quick thanks to the folks at AllTop.com for adding the Brain Twinkey Zone to their website. AllTop is what they say is an online magazine rack. Using a feed they display your website/blog name and the last few entries as a description/link for readers to easily travel from blog to blog by a post; pretty cool. Check them out at www.alltop.com and if you want to have your blog posted there send a request to info@alltop.com. I wrote them a letter describing my blog and why I would like it posted on their site. A couple of days later I received a submission thank you email and a couple of days after that I was approved!

Sarah Palin caught using a stand in look-alike

Since the 1993 movie titled "Dave" about a temp agency owner who's uncanny resemblance to the President of the United States has him stand in when the President falls ill, many have wondered if look alikes have ever really been used. Many conspiricy theorists have made claims for decades regading this but none were ever proven true....until now.

The conspiricy theorists began their attack on Governor Palin when it seemed from interview to interview you never knew who you were going to get. From her explosive intoduction speech, to her disasterous Katie Curic interview, to a well preparred debate. It was almost too obviouse that something was amiss.

It turns out there is a reason: Palin has been using a stand in.

It took several experts to notice the differences between the two (see above photo)! It has now been verified that the woman on the left is the real Sarah Palin while the woman on the right is the double. Even more shoking is all of the evidence points to the fake Palin being the one who appearerd at the Palin introduction speech as well as who attended the Vice Presidetial debate.

The real Palin did the Curic interview.

When this information was uncovered many thought this was the primary reason that Palin keeps refusing to appear on unscheduled interviews, especially the Today Show. The real reason that was uncovered is that Palin is affraid to talk to Katie Curic again in fear Curic might uncover the truth. We have to now assume Palin is even more out of the loop then anticiapted as Curic has not worked for NBC in quite some time.

New "Funny-Bone" Discovered

Not everyone is familiar with the Ulnar Nerve unless it is referred to by its more familiar name the 'Funny Bone'. Yes it's true; the funny bone is not a bone at all. The Ulnar Nerve is the largest unprotected nerve in the human body. Hitting it just right is not 'funny' at all; as many know it can be quite painful. It now seems that there is another unprotected nerve in the body that until recently had not been an issue. "The Milnar Nerve can be affected in a very similar way as with the Ulnar Nerve. The Milnar Nerve is very easily affected with just slight pressure from a finger" says Dr. Tad Pohl. "We were surprised that the nerve has become so sensitive for many people and we really need to come up with a plan to either protect or numb the nerve for the so far thousands of sufferers."

It turns out that the nerve has mutated over the years and most of the affected are younger then age 30, although it seems anyone can be at risk. "There is a way to determine how sensitive the nerve ending is" Dr. Pohl says, "Depending on your age and how sensitive the nerve is, we may also be able to determine how you may be affected in the future." Dr. Pohl continues, "Take your left pinky and place it behind your left ear lobe so the pad of your finger feels flush with your skin. The right-top side of your pinky should feel your skull bone. Next take any finger from your other hand and gently touch the end of your nose. With even pressure gently but firmly push both fingers in the direction of the other and then hold it for 5 seconds. Try this a couple of times to make sure you are aligned properly. If you have a feeling similar to that of the Ulnar Nerve (Funny bone) then you may be at risk and should contact your doctor." Several of us tried the experiment and luckily had no one feel the affect. We then asked the Doctor what if any could the long term affects be and should those who have the sensation be worried? He said, "Your primary concern should be that if someone sees you trying this experiment you will be at risk of looking silly and being gullible."

Manning brothers fight - Peyton cries

At a family dinner this past weekend it was reported that Peyton Manning and his younger brother Eli were having dinner at their parents home prior to both of their Sunday football games and had a fight. There is no secret the two are competitive with each other as most brothers are. Although with the younger brother just off a Super Bowl win and a winning record to start off the season, tention between the two is high as Peyton's team is struggling.

It isn't known exactly what was said but a source reports the two squared off like a couple of 8 year olds girls with cheeks turned and eyes closed, vigerously squaring off with a two-handed slapping match. Thier mother tried to interject and when Eli's finger poked Peyton in the eye he began to cry and called him a "ninny"! Peyton then cussed and was dragged by his ear to his room by his mommy. He had to stay in his room for the remainder of his visit and he didn't get dessert.

The next day Eli's Giants won and Peyton's Colts lost.

Only 30% of all humans can flare their nostrals!

In a recent study at Harvard University a shocking discovery has emerged. It turns out that only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. What is even more shocking is that in primates almost 50% have this ability. Top scientists from around the world are flocking to the U.S. to try and refute this evidence. Dr. Nosenstein was the first to publicize the findings and the response was not favorable. "We had thousands of calls and people are outraged" said Nosenstein.

"We decided to invite anyone who was willing so we could show them the results as well as to conduct a few experiments. We had 723 people arrive and as it turns out only 216 of them could flare their nostrils (about 30%). To solidify our findings we took 20 random participants to 14 different zoo's and with a simple command were able to have 17 of the 36 apes tested flare their nostrils."
The impact of this finding may lead to a whole new theory on evolution. Did humans actually de-evolve from apes and humans are a weaker species?
Whatever the findings most scientist conclude that if the wrong sort of monkeys find out about this study there could be a huge uproar from the primate community. There are many organizations out there that would love to have the apes recognized this way, but without the correct documentation there is no hard proof and the apes would simply go about their daily lives as normal. Although many now are recommending that families stock up on bananas...just to be safe.

Joe "The Plumber" calls friend when pipe bursts!

As fast as Joe came into fame his popularity is quickly diminishing. With reporters looking into Joe's background another tidbit of information that has come to the surface is quite surprising: Joe is not a very good plumber.

In an exclusive interview with the manager at the local Ace Hardware(coincidental named John Madden), it seems that Joe makes several trips there daily, purchasing item after item as he continuously makes mistakes throughout the day. "I have sold Joe the same item several times in the course of a day on many occasions" says Madden. "He frequently asks for advice on the simplest of tasks; leaky faucets and clogged garbage disposals for example. I don't even think he has a license."

When Joe's best friend made recent trip to the Ace Hardware store, Madden found out he was heading to Joe's to fix a small leak in a water pipe at Joe's house. Joe tried to repair the leak with duct tape and now his basement is flooded and he doesn't know what to do. As his lawn is littered with reporters he was too embarrassed to leave the house so he called his friend asking for help. "It's not the first time I have had to help Joe with a project" says his friend, "just the other day he called me claiming he couldn't turn his water on as the faucet must have seized. I brought over a replacement faucet to install but the problem was just that he was turning the handle the wrong way." More to come as this story unfolds.

Happy Be Nice To Everyone Day!

Celebrating its first year of being an official holiday, 'Be Nice To Everyone Day' is taking the world by storm. Not since the induction of 'Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day' (February 7th) has a holiday gained so much attention. Greeting cards, gift baskets and specially wrapped candy have been flying off of the shelves. Some insiders even tell us after today this holiday should be added to the Holiday Top 50 and maybe even in the top 40.

“It has always surprised me that no holiday has been able to remove 'National Yo-Yo Day' (observed on June 10th) or 'National Mustard Day' (observed on August 5th) from the top 50” says Ira Speedle. Speedle is the C.E.O. of Holiday’s United. “There are hundreds of observed holidays across the world but we take our top 50 very seriously” Speedle continued, “and to see a new holiday become so popular so quickly it makes us take notice and look to a few of the holidays that are “on the fence” and could easily be bumped.

Jansen Baldin is the creator of Be Nice To Everyone Day and has some advice for those who wish to observe the Holiday. “There are a lot of people out there who observe as many holidays as they can, and I have heard from a lot of these people who claim they are genuinely mean are having a hard time with this holiday.” Baldin tells us, “so we have come up with a method to assist them with their observance. In your mind we want you to think of every person as your boss from work and then also put yourself in a position where you are trying to get a raise….basically be a brown-noser to everyone. Get someone coffee, greet people with a smile and a hello! It may be acting and untruthful to yourself but you will successfully observe the holiday and you can feel good about that!”

There are others are not so sure. “It’s ridiculous!” said one person who remained anonymous, “it’s so fake; why would I want to be nice to everyone! Most people are jerks! I’m not going to let some pencil pusher who wants to make a buck or two selling greeting cards and candy by making up another holiday. Too many legitimate holidays’ are over commercialized and adding another is just wrong!”

So spread the word to friends, family and coworkers and pass along the smiley logo. Let's help make the world a better place!

Baldin and Speedle seem to agree that there are many who oppose new holidays but there are an equal amount of people who will enjoy it. Baldin concludes, “You can’t please everyone all of the time, but with this new holiday for at least one day you can!”

Happy Be Nice To Everyone Day!

Beware of the Bear - a very funny video!

This is great! Just thought I would share:

Loch Ness Monster & Lake Champlain Monster have rare "blurry" gene

People across the world have described their encounters with both the Loch Ness Monster (in the British Islands) and the Lake Champlain Sea Monster (the lake that separates New York State and Vermont) for hundreds of years. Many even have taken photographs. One thing that is in common with every photo is a slight blurriness in the image. The blurry photo's can neither confirm or deny the image is legit but something large seems to be living in the water. Many searches have been performed for the monster's and in some instance the lakes have been scanned by sonar, only to come up empty. Some people have even admitted that the Loch Ness Monster was just a way to attract tourists and was totally made up while others firmly believe in the existence. A recent breakthrough from a lab at the University of Vermont has sent researchers across the globe and now believe they can actually prove once and for all are that the Monsters real.

Recently in the Green Mountains of Vermont a catamount (in the cougar family) was captured. Thought to be non-existent in the region for many years the latest sightings were thought to be bobcat's or another small animal in the cat family. A slightly blurry photo that was taken by Edith Bunker had Animal Control sent to patrol the area.

The animal was tracked and eventually trapped but what they learned next would take the science community by storm. It was definitely a catamount which surprised many locals, but what was astonishing was that no one could focus their eyes on the creature. The cat was literally blurry. This finding led to many scientific tests and yet another discovery; not only did the cat have a gene that gave the animal the appearance of being blurry it was also found to be undetectable by sonar. The softness of the animals appearance makes it almost invisible to scans. It was also noted that the photographs that were thought to be blurry and out of focus were not. This discovery gave one scientist, who claims he has seen the Lake Champlain Sea Monster (known by locals as CHAMP) a new theory on why there are no clear photographs or sonar scans of CHAMP.

With these findings the scientists were able to build a different type of sonar device and it was decided that they would perform some new scans in the nearby Lake Champlain to see if they could detect anything new. Within a couple of days the scientists had scanned two very large and very fast moving images with the new sonar that has many people buzzing. This may be the beginning to finally proving the Lake Champlain Monster really exists. The scientists are currently working on building a second device and taking it overseas to perform the same tests on Lake Loch Ness.

Reddit Fan leaves me a nasty comment..thanks!

I recently added a posting to Reddit from my blog and to my surprise it became front page in the humor section for a short period of time. Overnight it doubled my three week old blogs site hits! Only a few people actually gave (and took away) points but a couple of hundred visits was a nice surprise. There was only one person who left me a comment and unfortunately it wasn’t nice, but at the same time I think it will do me some good.

I don't mind being critiqued as it goes with the territory of writing publicly. I prefer praises but in this case I believe I will benefit by the negative response. I get these funny ideas in my head and I want to share them; I get so anxious that I don't often slow myself down therefore not putting out the best writing that I have to offer. I just felt the need to post something new to keep my blog fresh so I burned through the story. As I have been learning the ways of the blogosphere I am quickly realizing that quality is probably more important that adding new posts frequently, although both are needed to keep people coming back.

My post on the Flight Attendant Nazi click here was a true story that to me is a very funny experience to think about. I just wanted to share the experience and I’m sure a few people were entertained, although after reading the comment I took another look at the story and I agree with him/her a little. I wish I had spent more time concentrating on quality and less time just getting the story completed to post.

So to the nice person that thought my story was “f*&king boring” I promise to do better.

The Flight Attendant Nazi!

Many of us have heard of the Soup Nazi, but not so many have had the pleasure of meeting the Flight Attendant Nazi! He lurks down the isles, unknowing to his prey. The seat has yet to be put in its upright and locked position as the plane has begun to move. The attack it quick and abrupt and the seat is now straight. Anger will only create a situation that you cannot win.

Victim number two: His jacket lay neatly across his lap: The announcement clearly stated all items must be stowed, but this seasoned flyer knows his jacket can remain. What he doesn't realize is the Flight Attendant Nazi lives the rules and there are no exceptions. The jacket will be stowed.

I recently became acquainted with this attendant. On each flight I unpack my headphones and iPod as well as a book. I place my headphones and iPod in the seat pocket and will either read my book during take-off or hold it in my lap. Not on this flight! I was sternly told that everything must be packed up until 10,000 feet. Although this is excessive, no argument would be won by me. Upset but remaining quiet I placed my items in my carry-on bag and stowed it under the seat in front of me.

One passenger decided that he wasn't going to oblige. This was a mistake as the Flight Attendant Nazi spoke to him like he was a child, quoting the handbook on the rules of flight and safety. If he wanted to take it up with the Captain he could very easily stop the flight and have the gentleman removed. Control over all passengers is his way of life and those who try to rise against his power will always lose.

The Brain Twinkey Weekly 8 - VOL1

Eight new random thoughts I would like to share each week. Enjoy.

1. Don't try and peel an orange after you have sliced it up! It's messy.

2. Randomly putting a chicken into a conversation when talking to my children is fun!

3. Work to live, don't live to work.

4. If there is a fly on your ceiling, fill a wide glass with sudsy water and approach the fly slowly from directly below it. You will catch it every time...I swear!

5. Doing ten minutes of research to read reviews and look at other prices before I make any internet purchases has saved me a lot of money.

6. Try and take a solo walk whenever possible, even if it's only for a few minutes.

7. Eat a cookie.

8. Don't drink soda, or pop or cola (or whatever you call it) in the morning. It's like putting ten teaspoons of sugar in a cup of coffee!

"I'm Sarah Palin - and I don't have to answer your questions."

I consider myself very open minded when it comes to politics and don't let my decisions become party specific, although from time to time something occurs and I just have to get on my soap box:

In last nights Vice Presidential debate Governor Palin said, "I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record,"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

Is this something that we really want someone who could possibly become the President saying or something we want our young people to hear? It's a cop out and all this does is show someone who doesn't really know what they are doing. I can see it now; she is sitting with the Joint Chiefs discussing a possible invasion and someone asks her, "Should we attack?" and she says, "I may not have the answer to your question but I sure did lower taxes in Alaska and McCain was a Maverick and he liked me for who I am. Because I have no idea how things work in Washington I can get things done because I'm a soccer mom and I know Joe six pack!" Wink, wink.

All she showed me last night was that she can memorize some long paragraph that Ronald Reagan said many, many years ago and pull it off like she didn't memorize it. Also that she is very skilled at not answering a question and going off on some other topic. If McCain is going to have any chance in this election he needs to admit he made a mistake and either drop her from the ticket or have her personally step down.

Reddit Programming Error Makes Average Blogger Famous..and Rich!

It was the first blog Donald M. had ever written. The idea was no different then millions of bloggers across the world. Write down some interesting thoughts and get a little bit of traffic hopefully having people post comments from time to time. Like everyone out there he wanted more and more people stopping and maybe even making a little money. He did a little research and posted some advertising, tried to add new posts often, joined a few groups and often visited other blogs leaving comments while signing them with his blog address. In no time he had people visiting his blog and leaving comments. His traffic volume wasn't high, but it was a start. What happened next was out of his control and changed his life forever.

At the Reddit headquarters a new programmer was assigned a task. Write an algorithm that will randomly go through thousands of Reddit accounts and drop a new blog into their "likes" area on every Reddit profile that the algorithm finds. The Blog that is being dropped in was supposed to be the Blog of the Reddit VP of Customer Affairs. This Blog would also come up at the top of every search that Reddit users would perform. A very simple mistake in the code wold give one Blogger more traffic than any Blog in history.

A representative from Reddit headquarters said the mistake in the algorithm was that instead of going through blogs and posting the way it was supposed to, the algorithm took the first blog that it found (http://braintwinkey.blogspot.com)and posted that blog in the same way. So thousands of Reddit bloggers across the world all found this new blog in their "likes" area along with this blog appearing first on whatever Reddit search anyone performed. In the first two hours after this occurred the blog had over 15,000 hits, 4,745 posts, 11,437 points and 5,027 clicks on the posted ads.

A Reddit employee doing standard searches of the most popular blogs discovered the blog due to the fact that in one week there were 176,417 points and over 674,000 hits.

When Donald realized he was getting so many visitors he began writing and writing, responding to as many people as he could as he was an instant celebrity. People loved his stuff! By the time the algorithm had been repaired Donald's Blog had over 16,000 followers and he had made almost $470,000 from his ads.

He quit his normal job and now works at home for Reddit writing on his blog and responding to the posts!

YouTube stunt cures acne for thousands!

In what has to be one of the stupidest stunts ever to be posted on YouTube some good actually has come from this idiocy. A discovery a short time after this video was taken has generated peace of mind for acne sufferers around the world.

The girl seen in this video has had severe acne all through her adolescence. No treatments or products had worked and unfortunately the blemishes had become a part of life she had to accept. Remarkably four days after this stunt took place her skin cleared up. She was totally baffled by this but assumed she had finally outgrown it. A couple weeks of clear skin enjoyment soon came to an end as one morning her skin had broken out again. She was devastated.

A month later when this video was posted the requests from their friends wanting to try this stunt were overwhelming. The girl herself took another turn and when her skin cleared up yet again the only thing she could find in common from before was that she "rode the catapult" both times. She waited it out a couple of weeks and when her face broke out again she asked for another turn. As she had hoped a few days later her skin had cleared up again!

She was hesitant but decided to tell a few of her friends who also suffered from skin blemishes. Though most of them were frightened of the ride their curiosity overcame them. To their surprise once they participated a few days later their skin also cleared up.

Rumors spread through the county and eventually they were having acne laden teens and adults from all over coming to ride what is now nicknamed the "DeBlemisher". After many successes, one near tragedy brought this device to the attention of doctors and police. A young boy who was very thin attempted the DeBlemisher and when he was catapulted, instead of a sling-shot back he was expelled from the harness and did a Superman for about 75 feet! Luckily he landed in a water soaked field of mud so his injuries were minor, although he still required a hospital visit. A brief investigation ensued and authorities put together how the injury occurred. After a brief yet amusing reenactment as well as an explanation several studies were performed on the DeBlemisher and the results were confirmed. The results had scientists and dermatologists working together to create a custom chamber and it is now currently being manufactured for mass release world wide!

The Brain Twinkey | Your Fake News Source Since 2008

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Best Halloween Costumes

Worst Costume idea....EVER!

Pole Vaulter sets new record...by accident

AllTop Adds The Brain Twinkey Zone!

Sarah Palin caught using a stand in look-alike

New "Funny-Bone" Discovered

Manning brothers fight - Peyton cries

Only 30% of all humans can flare their nostrals!

Joe "The Plumber" calls friend when pipe bursts!

Happy Be Nice To Everyone Day!

Beware of the Bear - a very funny video!

Loch Ness Monster & Lake Champlain Monster have rare "blurry" gene

Reddit Fan leaves me a nasty comment..thanks!

The Flight Attendant Nazi!

The Brain Twinkey Weekly 8 - VOL1

"I'm Sarah Palin - and I don't have to answer your questions."

Reddit Programming Error Makes Average Blogger Famous..and Rich!

YouTube stunt cures acne for thousands!

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video of the week

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